explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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