We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
