Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yo dont text me then not text me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize