I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
