Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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