porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
