My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
