after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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