Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
