the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
