i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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