What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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