You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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