went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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