a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think my moral compass just broke
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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