He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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