And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
