Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
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I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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