She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
someone owes me an orgasm
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
