MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
