You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back