Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins