I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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