Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
