I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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