ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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