We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
