Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
