just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
