Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
birth control should be required to get into college
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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