So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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