We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
