he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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