did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
