That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
