we have officially lost it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
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i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't deserve a penis
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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