i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
