omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
