wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
