i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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