Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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