then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
