Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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