sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
