She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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