At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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