I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
