If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
