all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize