Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
