Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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