I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
