Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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