So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
