dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
