These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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