You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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