I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think my vagina is haunted
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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