im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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