I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
