wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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