I'd wear matching sweaters with you
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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