ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
