I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
