Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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