it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize