I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
