Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
