just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
