I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
