there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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