I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
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Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize