you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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